Hello Peanut, I miss you so much. Just finished looking at your photo's. A million memories zoom around in my heart. I wish I could just touch you again. I wish I could have done something more for you hunny.
I have been feeling pretty low, and everything seems so hard. I still can't believe your gone. I can only imagine how life would have been if the Dr's could have put alot more effort into at least finding some type of treatment since finding a cure was impossible for their expertise,,, you were born a genius,,, you baffled them all sweetie, from Canada to Paris, France. Your "mystery disease" has gone un-noticed by many but I know that you know who has not forgotten,,,, you know!
Its just extremely hard to be here knowing that I could not protect you or that I could not shelter you like a Lioness shelters her cubs. I can't help but hold on to this strong feeling I have that something more could have been done for you but time was not on your side. Remember this Romeo,,, you held on for as long as you did for a very good reason.
One day,,, one day Romeo, I know you will share with me why you held on as long as you did, then and only then shall the whole world recognize the little boy "Romeo Jordon Ferguson" as the "miracle baby" from a small Town in Ontario, Canada who lived till he was 31 months old when the Dr's pretended to play God and told us you wouldn't live past 2 years old, if that.
If anyone ever deserved a ticket to the other side, it is you little man,,, its is you!
PSS,,,, kissing you gently as I rock you to sleep in my heart. Tell God "thank you" for giving you to us, no matter how small the time. I'll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms again.
Loving you for an eternity, Aunti Pauline XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
"My lifeless Soul" / Aunti Pauline (For all who suffer,,, your pain is understood )Read >>
"My lifeless Soul" / Aunti Pauline (For all who suffer,,, your pain is understood )
The scent of our baby no longer lingers. A house never to see toys strewn all over our floors. Baby bottles neatly standing side by side like Soldiers in waiting, tiny finger prints never to be found, anywhere. Itty bitty nose prints, vacant at the bottom of a patio door.
A baby monitor now sits on the top of the dresser with its haunting silence. That same dresser with each of its drawers harbouring sleepers, diaper-shirts, tiny sockets, bibs, facecloths and countless baby blankets never needing to have a reason to be taken out from its place.
The crib that once occupied our precious blessing, empty and hollow, just like our souls, just like our hearts. The same sheets that last touched our baby, and how we long to preserve that last bit of scent that let you know your baby was sweetly snuggled up safely in his crib.
The safe haven you once knew, now stolen from you like a heartless bandit in the night.
You lay and listen and wait for the breathe that once filled your ears, only to be haunted by the eerie distant beating of what is left of your heart.
As you stand in the doorway of what use to be his nursery, you stare long and hard, trying to make yourself believe he is gone, and if you stare hard and long enough, you wish your baby back to reality and he begins to take shape right infront of your eyes.
You then play make believe games with your mind and with whatever you have left of your sanity, you take the risk of taking that first step in the direction towards the crib and reality begins to hit you like a out of control mack truck,,,,, he's gone,,,,, he's really really gone, out of sight, no longer within reach, no longer huggable, no longer kissable.
Two empty arms now reach out towards him, only to hug the air that comes between you and his empty crib.
You completly come to your senses not realizing how long you have been crying, your arms still out stretched, your pleading, your begging. Your knees become increasingly weaker. You feel as though someone has their hands wrapped tightly around your throat,,, choking you,,,, you gasp in between heavy sobs, what remained of the strength in your knees no longer there.
You buckle at the knees, you fall in a lifeless heap, calling out to God,, asking him "why". The silence is the big killer, yet you hear screams, pityful sobs, loud heavy breathing and then finally,,, the painful gut wrenching whimpers,,, realizing its all coming from you.
The fetal position your now in, so busted, so broken on the nursery room floor.
Your solitude is now anguish, Your sense of being now doesn't belong. Your parental responsibilities no longer required. Your reason to live becomes no reason at all. Your future plans now dashed. Your ability to resume life now ended.
An empty crib. A toybox full of lonely toys. A closet full of "use to be's " A dresser packed full of a million memories. A change table sadly pushed into a corner. A playpen folded neatly, no longer to be occupied. A jolly-jumper that hangs lifeless,,,,,,, exactly the way you can now describe yourself,,,,,,,, lifeless!!
The lifelessness of what use to be a beautiful life,,, his and yours-
Sure they say "its God's will", but I'm not very happy with God right now!!!!!!!!!!
More than words can describe,,,,,, Romeo , I miss you and I love you so much.
* I will leave you all with a few words for everyone to live by, EVERYDAY,,,,,,,,, The best minute you spend is the one you invest in your family *Close
Never said goodbye...... / Diane Cassidy- Angel Mom-Katie Read >>
Never said goodbye...... / Diane Cassidy- Angel Mom-Katie
You never said "I'm leaving," You never said "Goodbye," You were gone before they knew it, and only God knew why. A million times they needed you, A million times they've cried, If love alone could save you, you never would have died. In life they loved you dearly, in death they love you still, In their heart's you hold a place, that no one could ever fill. It broke their heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone, for a part of them went with you, the day God called you home.
I would like to send a letter to Heaven and address it to the one I love. My child has left this world, to be with the Lord above.
I would tell him that I love him, and that I miss his loving touch. I would say I am lost without him and I miss him ---oh so much.
I would ask if he could visit, if I promise not to cry. Maybe one more time to see him I forgot to say "GOOD-BYE."
I will try to control my emotions I truly feel I could So please---- I need a visit. I promise I will be good.
It is so hard, I miss him Oh Lord, this feeling is the worst. I know you gave him to me, Yes I know you had him first.
But you called him prematurely, I am sorry I question your will. I know you have your reasons but Lord-- I miss him still.
If you'd only make an exception please consider what I plea It is so hard accepting that my son -- I will never see.
Oh baby I write you this letter with all the love there is to be had. Because it's just not me who's hurting there is other people too...
I need so much to see you. then I will try to let you rest. But if not in this world ,baby, then I will see you in the next.
So I'm sending a letter to Heaven, and pray you hear my plea. But if the answer is not what I'm asking-- Lord come and rescue me! Love you baby... Sometimes I feel like I can't go without you anymore...Nothing will ever be the same...No matter how hard I will try... I miss having you by my side Romeo... When I felt down you always knew how to cheer me up baby... I miss your tiny, little, warm hands touching my face... Love you my ~superstar~
Your proud mommy
P.S. I hope to dream of you tonight... Please, baby come and visit me... I hope you're paying lots of visits to your aunti Pauline... I know she would love that... Sweet dreams baby boy... I'm sending you LOTS of warm kisses... I would cover your tiny face with million kisses... Good night sweetheart... I feel very lonely without you...
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
